broken.

i've spent a long time wondering what to write for this blog. as some of you may know, michael and i have lost our baby. (michael wrote a very nice blog about it on his own blogspot, he's much better with words than i am.) as for me, i'm not in that much pain, at least not physically. we'd like to thank everyone for their prayers and thoughts and phone calls.

we love you all so very much.

it's christmastime! it's christmastime!

even though we put up our christmas lights and decorations weeks ago, christmas has snuck up on me. it's less than a week away! i just realized that we're already more than halfway through the month and nearly to the new year. last night michael and i finished our christmas shopping, and i'm making christmas cookies on saturday to hand out to friends, so i think we're all set.

about three weeks ago, we took our lanterns and hummingbird feeder down from the porch so that we could put up our christmas lights. each day, i see at least one hummingbird fly by looking for their feeder. i don't think i've made them a fan of christmas this year... i even saw one poking hopefully at one of the red lights, looking for something sweet to eat.

my only request for christmas dinner? HAM! my cravings are just starting to kick in, so i'll probably have a scoop of mashed potatoes and like, eight or nine slices of ham. we're staying at michael's parent's house for christmas, and so i'm also excited about finally using the fireplace this year. i think i'm going to request to sleep in the livingroom, next to the fire. :)

i wish you all a wonderful advent-time!

the "klootchy creek giant."

since sunday, there has been a very bad storm hitting the northwest, including my hometown astoria. there is massive flooding statewide which has closed highways and isolated towns. there have also been severe winds which have torn down trees and powerlines and since the telephones are out, so far i have not been able to contact my parents.
so yesterday as i was looking for news on astoria, i came across some sad news that almost made me cry. my favorite tree in the world broke in half. not only is it my favorite tree in the world, but it was also the largest sitka spruce tree in the US. it was 750 years old, 216 feet high and 52 feet wide. i love trees, but i love OLD trees even more. 750 years! that means the tree started as a seedling around 1257.
actually, the same day that i took michael to meet my parents, was the same day that i took him to see my tree. hehe, not that i hold my tree and my parents on the same level, it was just coincidence.

i can't find any pictures online to give it real justice, but i hope you get some idea. it was huge, and mossy, and beautiful. i will miss it. :(

here's a link:
http://www.kgw.com/news-local/stories/kgw_120307_news_sitka_spruce_damaged_storm_icon.650b6cac.html

thanksgiving is over, but still giving thanks...

so, as you may or may not know, michael and i are pregnant. :) yep! surprise! i'm almost five and a half weeks along now. if you check out michael's blog he has a picture of what the baby would look right about now. (such tiny little fingers!)
i don't feel pregnant yet, except that i'm always so hungry and tired. we feel very blessed though and very giddy!

optimistic for rain...

so far, i would say i have learned what to expect as far as riverside's seasons, and it is quite depressing. it is unusual to get below 50 degrees, even in the wintertime, and the sun shines basically all year. but come on... it's mid-november and it is about 87 degrees outside.

i don't think this will ever be a normal thing for me. right now in oregon, it is 52 degrees (32 by nightfall) with a chance of rain. they just got over a storm that knocked out power to half the state. you sometimes don't see the sunshine at all for at least five months. and in 1996 it flooded so much that my brother and sister and i took our cat in a dingy boat and sailed around in our front yard.

if any of you know me, you know that i love the rain. i love the way it smells, the way it sounds and the way it feels. i love having the need for an umbrella or a scarf. i'll open the windows sometimes so i can feel the dampness when i'm inside. and after a good rainy night, it is so clear the next day and the sunshine seems so much brighter. it's cleansing, both physically and spiritually.

so i guess i'll have to be patient and remain optimistic. :)

my favorite color IS green, actually.

michael works about a mile from our apartment, so last week he bought a new bike to commute with instead of driving. i don't know why we didn't think of him commuting by bike before, (it's such a pointless waste of gas to drive unless it's raining) since he works so close and really enjoys riding bikes anyway. so, it's healhier, more fun and helps the environment.

growing up in oregon, i really didn't think much of helping the environment. when you're surrounded by green trees and rivers, gobal warming isn't that obvious. but now i see the amount of deforestation and pollution that i somehow missed before. since living in southern california, i realize how much we depend on cars. californians love their cars. and we have a thick brown layer of smog to prove it!

i was watching the Today Show this morning and they did a segment about the pacific garbage patch. basically it's a floating garbage dump the size of texas, mostly made up of plastics, sitting in the middle of the pacific ocean. practically every piece of plastic thrown in the rivers and waterways in the pacific rim makes it's way to the pacific garbage patch by ocean currents. people, with the intention of making life easier and more productive, have reduced the world's ability to repair itself. plastic was made to last forever, and unfortunately, that's proving all to true.

links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_Pacific_Gyre

http://www.mindfully.org/Plastic/Ocean/Moore-Trashed-PacificNov03.htm

red skies...

the air quality in southern california for the past week has been worse than usual. it is of course due to the terrible fires going on in our area. the strong winds that fueled the fires have stopped, but with no wind to blow the smoke and ash away, it has settled in the valleys. everything has a fine layer of white ash. the air smells like smoke. during sunset, the sun literally turns red.

could you imagine losing your home in a fire? it's true that homes can be replaced, and that you can always start over again. but how hard would it be to watch your son's bedroom burn down? or the garden where you spent so many hours planting and turning the soil? or all the future plans you had? a few days ago i was watching the news coverage on the san diego fire and there was a newscaster covering the fire in one of the threatened neighborhoods. after a few moments it suddenly occured to me that he was watching his own house burn. he pointed out the diningroom where his family used to sit together, and the bedrooms, and the porch. the whole time he was describing his home, he was being whipped by the wind and his voice was shaking with emotion. what a terrible thing to witness.

it made me look around my apartment and wonder what i would do if i only had five minutes to evauate. there isn't enough time to load all of your dvds or clothes. you can't disconnect your tv or your expensive surround system to take with you. what would i take with me? what makes one thing more important that the other? i pray that i may never have to evacuate, but we never do have any control over things such as this.

juno

i haven't seen this movie, it doesn't come out until january but it looks good. it reminds me of the show 'freaks and geeks' which was an awesome show. :)

some of my favorite movies...

while you were sleeping

this is one of my favorite movies and always will be. it's probably the cutest movie ever.

amelie


the life aquatic with steve zissou


the goonies

of course! they filmed it in my home town.

reign over me


love actually


forest gump

fool-proof fool.

my brother is moving down to southern california the first of november, and my sister and mother are driving down to help him. this would be the first time my mom would be coming down to visit since michael and i got married. we saw her and my dad last august when we drove up to oregon for our vacation.

so, i am trying to keep our apartment as clean and cute as possible. why? so that my mom can see the capable and (definitely) grown-up woman i have become. so she can see how well i tackle work and wifehood and responsibility. OF COURSE. how have i thought to achieve this? well, i bought scented candles and watered and rearranged my plants. i bought two pilgrim figurines that look uncannily like my parents. also, my idea is to keep the light really soft and dull so she doesn't see the mysterious stains on the dining room carpet.

i am confident about my plan.

leaves are changing...

i have had this blog for the past few months and, after numerous tries, haven't written any entries (this should tell you something about my personality). i would love to tell you that at the age of 23 i am no longer as timid as i was as a girl; no longer as self-conscious. however, as i get older i have actually become more aware of things to be self-conscious about. i spend so much time trying to perfect this image of myself for others; this organized, elegant, intelligent facade. the problem is, it causes me to distort my real self.

it really is a losing battle. i don't think anyone has thought of me as the complete and well-balanced person i try to make them think i am. ;)