(sigh)

i'm ready for autumn. now.

it's wedding season!

michael and i have a busy weekend coming up! we're invited to two weddings, my cousin tara's is on saturday and our friends matt and teri are getting married on sunday. (i love weddings. :) they always make me think of my own wedding and then i get those warm fuzzies and a giddy grin.) strangely enough, we were completely free of weddings all summer until we got hit with two in the same weekend. so yes, quite a busy weekend for us with my parents flying in on friday and everyone driving to santa barbara county for the first wedding, quickly saying our "goodbyes" and driving back south in time for the second wedding. at least i won't have to worry about dinner for a few days, hmm... chicken or steak?

to save time (and energy!) i've decided to break fashion laws and wear the same dress for both weddings. gotta love the little black dress, very versatile. i was happy to have found an amazing clutch at H&M a few weeks ago, and if i may say so, "it's so totally me" in clutch-form. i thought it would be a little more dressy than one of my baggy purses. i never thought i was a clutch person, the lack of a strap made me think it would be too easy to forget somewhere, but now i'm happy to say i'm "clutch-reformed." :) since my parents are going to be in town, i hope to remember to take pictures this time. i always remember to bring my camera, just always forget to actually use it. sheesh.

treadmills and tuna sandwiches.

so, as this year has been hard emotionally and physically, my new goal for the remainder of the year is working on getting healthier. with the help of church, family and friends i've improved on the emotional side and am now moving on to the physical side. due to stress and medical problems i've gained fifteen unwanted (and previously unknown) pounds. my solution is a healthy diet and plenty of exercise. i've started the exercising slowly, mostly just walking a mile on the treadmill, cycling and lifting light weights. as soon as i feel healthier i plan on continuing to cycle and lift weights and start running three times a week.

my diet: eat a sensible healthy breakfast, a sensible healthy lunch and a sensible healthy dinner. ha, sounds easy right? dieting is fun! no rice crackers for me though, for breakfast today i had coffee and almond granola cereal, for lunch i had a tuna sandwich on multigrain wheat bread with a plumb and apple slices, for dinner i plan on having barbecued buffalo burgers with broccoli and potatoes. yum. my biggest problem though is snacking, i love to snack. i bought grapes, crackers&cheese, and carrots when i feel the need to snack.

my plan is to reach my target weight by the time of my brother's wedding in november, that gives me three months to look great in a new little dress. :) admittedly though, one of my biggest incentives to lose weight is an excuse to buy a whole new wardrobe. of course, that would actually help with the emotional side too, or is it the superficial side? either way, i do need some new clothes. my jeans are faded and uncomfortable and my tops are all too casual.

(i'm blogging this so i can be held accountable, publicly. it's always the best way!)

seeking change.

i've put off writing this post because it's not news that i want to share. i pray this may be the last time i have to tell any of you this. on wednesday michael and i found out we've had another miscarriage. we had known something was wrong a week before when no heartbeat was found in our seven week ultrasound. our doctor has referred us to a genetics counselor to find out why this keeps happening but even with testing and reviewing family histories, it's still a guessing game. even so, it seems with most women it's easily treatable with hormones or blood thinners and often have successful future pregnancies. (i pray this is true in our case.) before we can discuss our options, we need to wait until the miscarriage passes. if it doesn't end naturally by the time of my next appointment, i'll need to have surgery again. i would rather it end on it's own and endure the pain, than have another D&C.

this is our second miscarriage and third failed pregnancy in eight months and maybe because of that, this one was a little easier to handle. my emotional scars are deep but will heal, i can only hope my health will soon bounce back too. this year has taken a toll on me physically and i need to focus myself on getting well again. the Lord has been good to me this far in life, i can only hope to begin to deserve the future blessings he may choose to give or not to give me.

bee happy!

summer is my least favorite season, august is my least favorite month, (ESPECIALLY in california) and wasps are the worst of all. wasps and hornets are BY FAR the most annoying thing about summer. everytime i venture outside, i always have to dodge them as they buzz around my head, reminding me how dangerous they are. they chase my dog. they build their nests on my porch. so i kill them AND their spawn with my insect spray. (actually, michael kills them because i'm too afraid and he's the better aim with deadly sprays.)

i like bees, especially bumbling ones. they're hard workers and make me honey. they could care less about us really, unless you mess with their flowers or disturb their hive. then they get mad. that's understandable, they simply have pride of ownership. i can respect that. at least they're not bullies.

speaking of bees, try burt's bees. i used to buy their lotions and chapstick all the time when i lived in oregon. i bought their pomegranate lip balm last week and loved it better than the original. also, yesterday maria bought me their mama bee belly butter and it's great. (thanks again maria!)

burt's are my favorite bees, and they're harmless.

ooh, bummer...

sorry for not updating in awhile, i have no good excuse except that i've been continuously tired and feeling out of sorts for the last week. thanks for those of you who have complained, it makes me feel wanted. :) i actually have a few things to write about but am able to only write about one, hopefully you will understand. on saturday there was an accident including me, a bottle of water and our beautifully brand new macbook. thankfully the computer still turns on and we can use it, but only the top half of the screen works. sorry to make this post so short, but if it goes too long i won't be able to see what i'm typing and am terrified of the amount of misspellings and spacing errors that it will include and the judging by all who will read it. (mostly i'm afraid of your judgings.)

so to sum up, do not let me near your dear macbooks....