not going to be the best day.

i am leaving for the hospital in a few hours to remove a tumor found in my uterus. i have what is called a molar pregnancy. instead of growing a baby, my body grew a tumor. it's rare, but it happens. the doctors think that they caught it in time and don't think it is cancerous. it's a minor surgery, a D & C, and i should recover in a few days. still, the idea of going into any surgery is scary for me. God be with me.

i love this guy!

goodbye waist...

i know, it's not the most original way to announce a pregnancy, but there it is! i'm almost five and a half weeks along now, the pregnancy guides that i read tell me that the baby's heart will start beating this week and that it's between 1.5 - 2.5 millimeters. so basically i have a beating grain of rice in my abdomen, an adorable little beating grain of rice! i was worried the first few days because i wasn't feeling nearly as pregnant as i thought i should, but now my body has more than made up for it. i'm bloated (in the form of a pre-babybump "gas baby") and tired (i stole an extra three minutes of pillowtime this morning, it was blissful) but i'm so happy.

i will admit though that the pain of my last pregnancy still lingers. i have thought about what would happen if this pregnancy would end in a similar way. i'm optimistic, but two failed pregnancies in a row is difficult for anyone to take. how long can one person keep putting up a smiling face? i don't blame God for taking my baby. how could i blame him for something that was never guaranteed to me? i don't believe it was a punishment but i do believe it was a test. i can only hope that i passed the test.

the one thing that i wish? that i didn't have to work. i haven't been able to think one straight thought for a few weeks now and work has only amplified that fault. i can't remember what i had for lunch yesterday let alone remember to turn in my co-workers timecards or get urgent contracts signed. i repeat almost everything i say to poor michael because i can't remember if i already told him or if i dreamed it. the blood is no longer pumping to my brain. it's a good thing for me that people pity pregnant women, otherwise i could lose my job or something. :)

i (heart) webpages!

after i've checked my email, clicked on the updates for myspace and read my msnbc, i love to peruse the many articles at ivillage.com and marthastewart.com. when i need a little feminine boost of gardening how-to, celebrity gossip, (yes i know, bad) or recipe browsing those are usually my two dependent girly websites. i do recommend them when you are at work and need something to zone out on for a few minutes. there's always something new.

another website that i love? etsy.com has great handmade items for sale by different categories. you can find most anything there. also? my check out my sister's etsy page at vpecc118.etsy.com and buy a skirt or something!

you can stream NPR online for free or click on 'all songs considered' for free concert streams at npr.com

also, here's a great store i wish i could afford: anthropologie. while it's true that they are grossly overpriced, they are easily made and so i could easily steal the designs. for instance, i found a cute halter style apron that i could simply make from an old dress. just cut out the back, seam it up and sew on the ties. easy!

i hope you have fun with those! oh, and happy leap year day!!!

sun and lavender.

spring is beginning to affect me. the warmer weather motivates me to open the windows, pull open the blinds and to remember the smell of budding plants in the breeze. it motivates me to haul out my planting soil, rinse my dormant pots and to nurse baby seedlings.

i've been talking to my friend lacey lately, and she is just the best go-to as far as gardening. she has the most adorable home up in oregon and i just can't wait for the day that i have a little home myself. i have many ideas for flower and vegetable gardens, my two main ideas being lavender and tomato plants. i would love to plant the lavender by windows so the breeze can bring in their scent, and i would love to make homegrown sun-dried tomatoes as a side dish for BBQs and sun tea.

we're going to be moving to a new place in may, so it's about time i started my spring cleaning. always nice to declutter the place and shoo out the old smells of winter. a few weeks ago i bought an eco-friendly multi-purpose cleaner from trader joe's and it works so well. plus, you don't have that harmful chemical smell afterwards. i know clorox has just come out with a line of greenworks natural cleaners that i'm also eager to try out.