last night i had a dream that i was able to return to high school and relive my life. i had all the knowledge and memories of my present self and i decided to change the things i wish i had done differently. when i woke this morning to the alarm on my cell phone and pulled my head out of the blankets, i wanted so badly for that dream to be real.
high school for me is both one of the most productive and least productive times of my life. for example, while receiving my education and finishing my classes, i only did what was absolutely necessary to pass. i saw no merit in trying my hardest, especially since i had never thought about college seriously. so i floated all four years. now six years later, i can see the potential and missed opportunities i didn't see before. i wish my 24 year old jennifer self could shove an advanced english textbook in my 14 year old jenny's hand, sit her down in a desk and tell her that believing she can't do something is worse than failing at it.
i also wish i had tried harder in track and cross country. i still wouldn't have been the best runner on the team, but i would have been better.
another thing i regret? my choice of wardrobe. i mean, all that polyester and prints didn't help anybody.
and now to convince you all that i'm in fact in a healthy emotional state and to end on a more positive note, there are things i'm also very happy to have done. i don't regret skipping journalism class with my friends to drive to the jetty, or walking every inch of the sand and see who could find the longest branch of seaweed. i don't regret spending hours filming movies filled with inside jokes that no one would understand except us. i don't regret moving into my first apartment either, even though i only spent four months there (and lost my deposit) it was my first time on my own, me vs. the world, and the lesson from that was priceless.
and i don't regret buying those adorable sage green peep-toe wedges i saw at nordstrom rack last saturday for $11.00. ;)
6 comments:
you're lovely...nice pic of the jetty.
Ditto, ditto on many different aspects. Thanks for sharing.
I think that we all have this feeling ...if we didn't we would be two dimensional beings. If that makes any sense. Anyway-I personally loved your peep-tow wedges and also thought they were adorable! Now that I'm free on Saturdays, and if Michael doesn't beat me to it, I'd love to spend a Saturday with you at the rack!
sounds good maria! i had my eye on a couple different pairs of shoes, and it's so much easier to indulge when you're there. :)
you went away too quickly this sunday, i didn't get to see the peep-toes! oh well.
what a nice post, and like everyone else i can so relate. there is only about 5% of my high school life that i don't regret.
you don't really regret not trying harder at cross-country do you? I mean, if we had really tried and like, ran and stuff, then we wouldn't have had an ounce of the fun we did!
I can honestly look back and say I regret very little of what I did in high school. We didn't smoke, we didn't drink, we didn't have wild orgy parties, we didn't break the law (or did we?) and we still had way more fun than anyone else I know.
I guess the only thing I DO regret is that we all had to grow up and go to college and move away and lose touch. I can only get through the day by cradling within me the hope that everyone moves back to Astoria eventually and we can take up where we left off. Which was at Parking Lot B I do believe.
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