memory.

last night i had a dream that i was able to return to high school and relive my life. i had all the knowledge and memories of my present self and i decided to change the things i wish i had done differently. when i woke this morning to the alarm on my cell phone and pulled my head out of the blankets, i wanted so badly for that dream to be real.

high school for me is both one of the most productive and least productive times of my life. for example, while receiving my education and finishing my classes, i only did what was absolutely necessary to pass. i saw no merit in trying my hardest, especially since i had never thought about college seriously. so i floated all four years. now six years later, i can see the potential and missed opportunities i didn't see before. i wish my 24 year old jennifer self could shove an advanced english textbook in my 14 year old jenny's hand, sit her down in a desk and tell her that believing she can't do something is worse than failing at it.

i also wish i had tried harder in track and cross country. i still wouldn't have been the best runner on the team, but i would have been better.

another thing i regret? my choice of wardrobe. i mean, all that polyester and prints didn't help anybody.

and now to convince you all that i'm in fact in a healthy emotional state and to end on a more positive note, there are things i'm also very happy to have done. i don't regret skipping journalism class with my friends to drive to the jetty, or walking every inch of the sand and see who could find the longest branch of seaweed. i don't regret spending hours filming movies filled with inside jokes that no one would understand except us. i don't regret moving into my first apartment either, even though i only spent four months there (and lost my deposit) it was my first time on my own, me vs. the world, and the lesson from that was priceless.

and i don't regret buying those adorable sage green peep-toe wedges i saw at nordstrom rack last saturday for $11.00. ;)

"munch munch munch"

if any of you have met joey, then you already know how much he LOVES his cookies. when we ask him if he "wants his cookie?" he gets these big eyes and answers us "yes!" by twirling in girly circles and wagging his fluffy tail. on some occasions when he gets extra excited he'll start running around the room as fast as he can. sometimes he gets so playful he forgets all about his delicious cookie and barks at us to chase him.

once i give him his cookie however all of his attention is focused on it. depending on his mood, there are several ways in which he decides to eat it. sometimes he'll grab it out of my hand and devour it in seconds, or he might take it delicately and nibble on it for five minutes. other times he'll stare at me and growl until i toss it at him so he can chase it. but his best choice of all is when he stares at it and stares at it wanting it to jump up and run away. to my knowledge no cookie so far has run from joey, but he stares at it, barks and jumps at it trying to intimidate the poor cookie. it is the most adorable thing ever.


(joey in mid-munch)

Miami Street

as some of you may know, the rental lease on our apartment ends in May and so we were hoping to rent a house next. it would be great to have a nice yard for joey and more room for ourselves, but michael and i couldn't help but notice that the housing market is now a buyer's market. so we have decided that since a mortgage payment and a monthly rental payment are about the same, why not just buy a house?

we found a very nice foreclosed home last week in a great neighborhood. unfortunately, it was midway through a renovation and we don't want to spend the money needed to fix everything. so i've been browsing online again for houses and i think i've found one that could be a good possibility. (i know it's too soon to fall in love and start planning for the house, but it's just not as much fun!)


the outside could use some updating with cute potted plants and new paint (we're surprisingly not into the '70s beige and dark brown.)


we also wouldn't keep the blue carpets. i imagine something like a warm dark tan color on the walls, bamboo floors and crown moulding.


the living room and dining room are combined into a great room so the bamboo floors would probably extend everywhere but the bedrooms.


i love the big windows looking out into the side yard! they've put an effort into keeping the yard nice.


view of the side yard.


view of the patio under the pergola.


view of the backyard. the second patio/perola on the left is an extention of the master bedroom.


the master bedroom has more recessed lighting and seems to have enough room for a queen sized bed.

i'll give an update later after we actually view the house.

a visit from the north.

my grandparents (on my mother's side) drove down from washington this last week to spend a few days with my brother, sister and i. it was a very nice visit, although i wish i could have spent more time with them and didn't have to work, (sigh) also i was still recovering from surgery and was tired for some of the time. they probably had more fun with my brother in cruising around redondo beach than with us because, well, there isn't much to do in riverside other than to support our local applebee's.



growing up i've always thought of my grandma as the sweetest person i've ever met, and it just seems to be more true every time i see her. she always offers her expert advice, but in the most non-intrusive way, (i don't care how old you are, you're never too old for your grandmother's advice!) and she seems to have a genuine love for everyone she meets. and also? she has perfected a delicious basic bread recipe that can be made into dinner rolls, loaves or cinnamon rolls. it's actually pretty unique because she got the recipe from her mother during the Depression so it doesn't have eggs, butter or milk because they were too expensive. (yay! lenten!)

and my grandpa? i swear he's one of the smartest people i've ever met. he remembers everything he reads, even something he read thirty years ago! he never for forgets a name, date or fact. he can tell you exactly why our housing market is so bad, (your house payment shouldn't be more than 25% of your monthly income and you need to a 20% down payment) how a toyota prius reserves gas or how to make your tomatoes taste better (you should water your tomato plants with seawater just as they ripen to a yellowish-green.)

'Beannachtam na Feile Padraig!'

(happy st. patrick's day!)



in honor of such a great holiday, i leave you with a little irish wisdom...

"Saint Patrick was a gentleman,
who through strategy and stealth,
drove all the snakes from Ireland,
here’s a toasting to his health.
but not too many toastings
lest you lose yourself and then
forget the good Saint Patrick
and see all those snakes again."

"may the road rise to meet you,
may the wind be always at your back,
may the sun shine warm upon your face,
the rains fall soft upon your fields,
and until we meet again,
may God hold you
in the palm of his hand."

"if God sends you down a stony path, may he give you strong shoes."

"may neighbors respect you,
trouble neglect you,
the angels protect you,
and heaven accept you."

"bricks and mortar make a house but the laughter of children makes a home."

"may your day be touched
by a bit of Irish luck,
brightened by a song in your heart,
and warmed by the smiles
of the people you love."

"a family of Irish birth will argue and fight, but let a shout come from without and see them all unite."

"may love and laughter light your days,
and warm your heart and home.
may good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
may peace and plenty bless your world
with joy that long endures.
may all life's passing seasons
bring the best to you and yours!"


(and hey, i even found one with a little rainy day optimisim!)
"may the blessing of the rain be on you—
the soft sweet rain.
may it fall upon your spirit
so that all the little flowers may spring up,
and shed their sweetness on the air.
may the blessing of the great rains be on you,
may they beat upon your spirit
and wash it fair and clean,
and leave there many a shining pool
where the blue of heaven shines,
and sometimes a star."

"erin go braugh!"

not going to be the best day.

i am leaving for the hospital in a few hours to remove a tumor found in my uterus. i have what is called a molar pregnancy. instead of growing a baby, my body grew a tumor. it's rare, but it happens. the doctors think that they caught it in time and don't think it is cancerous. it's a minor surgery, a D & C, and i should recover in a few days. still, the idea of going into any surgery is scary for me. God be with me.

i love this guy!

goodbye waist...

i know, it's not the most original way to announce a pregnancy, but there it is! i'm almost five and a half weeks along now, the pregnancy guides that i read tell me that the baby's heart will start beating this week and that it's between 1.5 - 2.5 millimeters. so basically i have a beating grain of rice in my abdomen, an adorable little beating grain of rice! i was worried the first few days because i wasn't feeling nearly as pregnant as i thought i should, but now my body has more than made up for it. i'm bloated (in the form of a pre-babybump "gas baby") and tired (i stole an extra three minutes of pillowtime this morning, it was blissful) but i'm so happy.

i will admit though that the pain of my last pregnancy still lingers. i have thought about what would happen if this pregnancy would end in a similar way. i'm optimistic, but two failed pregnancies in a row is difficult for anyone to take. how long can one person keep putting up a smiling face? i don't blame God for taking my baby. how could i blame him for something that was never guaranteed to me? i don't believe it was a punishment but i do believe it was a test. i can only hope that i passed the test.

the one thing that i wish? that i didn't have to work. i haven't been able to think one straight thought for a few weeks now and work has only amplified that fault. i can't remember what i had for lunch yesterday let alone remember to turn in my co-workers timecards or get urgent contracts signed. i repeat almost everything i say to poor michael because i can't remember if i already told him or if i dreamed it. the blood is no longer pumping to my brain. it's a good thing for me that people pity pregnant women, otherwise i could lose my job or something. :)