as i was driving to work today, i was listening to the diane rehm show on npr. her guest was elizabeth gilbert, author of 'eat, pray, love', and they were discussing independence and divorce.
why is it when most modern women think of independence, their next thought is divorce? do most women really feel held back by their husbands/families? can they really not see their own individuality within a partnership?
i ask to merely understand. i'm incredibly blessed to be married to a man that has always supported my interests and loves the person i am. since we've been married, i've grown more as a person than i ever did when i was single. his encouragement inspires me to accept each situation as another chance to learn something. unfortunately, this isn't always the case in all marriages. sadly, there are some circumstances that call for divorce and the breaking of a family.
however, as far as the shallow discussion on the diane rehm show this morning, i've never thought of marriage as 'an end to my individuality' or having a family as a 'hindrance to my creativity' or any sort of crap or excuses women can think of these days. honestly! this 'me' generation we live in has people blind to the fact that a search for independence outside of marriage often includes hurting people close to us and an unhealthy amount self-centered thoughts. men are often the center of mid-life crisis jokes, but i'm starting believe that it's indeed a problem for both sexes. how wonderful that our society allows the separation for such people without judgement, (even though it's literally a breaking of a lifelong legally recognized contract between two people, but whatever.) personally that doesn't sound like freedom to me, it just sounds selfish.
10 comments:
I wrote a post on Elizabeth Gilbert's book a few years back. I hadn't read it, but I think I saw her on Oprah, and I couldn't shake off the feelings of disappointment and disgust in regards to what she said. I mean, divorce happens, and sometimes people enter into marriage for the wrong reasons in the first place. And although my marriage has been such a blessing from day one, that doesn't mean I'm immune from "attacks" in the future. However, it's one thing for Ms. Gilbert to write a book and share her story... great, whatever. But it's another to broadcast her "liberation" and market it to a lot of vulnerable, confused women who might not know how else to deal with their problems. It's just sad... she's making a huge profit off of a lie. I heard there's a movie being made about Eat, Pray, Love with Julia Roberts in it. Hmmm... I think I Julia just lost a few points with me. Hahaha :)
Great post, Jenny, thanks for sharing! Marriage is such a blessing, even though it takes all of us and all of God!
Good post jenny. I just read a review of her new book about being "forced" into a new marriage with her partner of many years and I was pretty disgusted with her too. Jasper and I have been together for 10 years this March and I am also more of a person thanks to him and the relationship we have nurtured in this time. Of course, I always had a healthy dose of individuality to begin with and he's never done anything to try and dissuade that, lol. I think he'd love me less if I were less of myself and I think I'd be less of myself without him around him rooting me on. And vice versa, obviously.
This sure makes me realize that Christ is forever radical..the whole concept of a vow to take your husband for better or worse, in sickness and in health, was Christ's idea of being a servant to others, as opposed to looking out for #1. A marriage is not 50-50. I to am so very blessed to have married a man who completes me...the hard part is the women who have married controlling, dsyfunctional men have made that same vow. As hard as it is for them to realize..the answer to thier problem is not, "more me" (independence)..it's the same radical concept Jesus taught of "less me" and "more of Him". Living for yourself will never make a person happy..Living for someone else will not make a person happy....women were created to serve something (someone) alot bigger...
Sorry about the soapbox..great thoughts Jenny..really gets the dander up:)
good comments guys, thanks! :D
I think the author of this book was on the very last Oprah show I ever watched. The whole thing made me sick. She goes on and on about finding spirituality and blah blah, and how suffocated she was boo hoo, and then basically got a divorce, took a bomb vacation and prayed to who knows and came back all enlightened with a book ready to sell with the help of dear Oprah. Oh and they taped her with her new squeeze in a "simplified" loft in in some sweet neighborhood where I'm sure lattes are sold by truck loads for $6 each.
How many women has she duped into thinking the grass is greener without their husband's "oppressive" demands. Only thing is they don't have the means to hop on a flight to Europe or India to find themselves. And many women, no doubt, have children that just want their mama to love their daddy. What about them? So sad and irresponsible. But we're preaching to the choir here.
Lauren,
What a coincidence! That was the last Oprah show I watched, too. Of course, it had always been a hidden, guilty pleasure that I knew I had to kick, but thankfully Ms. Gilbert helped me make the decision finally. Haha!
:D
Really!? Wow. That's so funny. I felt the same way. She was just enough to tip me over the edge! Thank you Ms. Gilbert! ;)
excellent rant Jenny. and oh my gosh Lacey! here I thought i got married early (10 years for us this past September).
lacey and jasper have been dating since lacey was a senior in high school :)
I didn't see the show, but how old is she? It sounds like Ms Gilbert's expectations come from several generations ago where the expectation was the wifey to be nothing more than the housekeeper, cook and everything in her existence comes from making the man happy, at the price of her happiness. She went in with that expectation and realized that was a load of crap. But if you go into a marriage with the expectation that both people will have hobbies, interests, goals that might be slightly different but compatible, then a marriage can work that way.
Post a Comment